Bitter
In the middle of work today, I got a call from the state of Florida's department of revenue child support enforcement unit. The woman on the line wanted to verify my new address so they could send me child support. Once I gave her my new addy she said, "While I have you on the line, I'd like to verify some other information. I have notes in your file for dates that your child was with his father and he wants credit for those times so he's not obligated to pay that child support." She went through the list of dates & I confirmed & corrected the summers Shorty was with my ex.
"For 2004, he was with him for 4 months?" "Actually, he was there from June of 2005 until July of 2005," I clarified. "Well that's going to make a huge difference," she said. "Would you mind faxing a letter to me with all those dates?" "Sure," I said. "Would you also like me to include copies of all the checks I sent to his father, returning the child support during that 14 month period?" "Yes, that would be great!" she said. "How far behind does Florida say he is?" I inquired. "$1700," she said, "but with this it will change significantly." I bet it will!
Just over a month ago I gave my ex-husband the opportunity of a lifetime and he chose not to take it. I've decided that since he's so concerned with getting credit (in the immortal words of Chris Rock) "for some sh!t he's supposed to do", and in light of my recent run in with yet another trifling black man, I'm no longer going to be bitter about financially retarded men.
I could continuing thinking about all the years I worked two jobs to maintain a decent lifestyle for myself and sacrificed hair appointments, manicures, pedicures, & new clothes so Shorty could have what he needed. I could stay angry that my ex-husband had done everything he could (including hiring an attorney) to avoid sending a penny more of support for our son than the state required. I could even file a 4th request for an increase in child support (my ex has craftily dodged the last 3 requests I've sent to the state to modify the $250/month that was set in stone in 1997 when our divorce was finalized). But I won't.
I've decided that my energy needs to go in a more productive & positive direction...it needs to go toward loving myself. That's what's been missing all these years & what the money would've gone for if my ex-husband had an ounce of maturity in him and understood that it's what's necessary for me to be able to fully love our son. Maybe in time I'll love myself enough to forgive myself for ever procreating with the man in the first place, which is why I've been bitter all this time. I've learned enough to know that being bitter only hurts me.
Epiphany of the Day: Bitterness is unfinished wisdom.
"For 2004, he was with him for 4 months?" "Actually, he was there from June of 2005 until July of 2005," I clarified. "Well that's going to make a huge difference," she said. "Would you mind faxing a letter to me with all those dates?" "Sure," I said. "Would you also like me to include copies of all the checks I sent to his father, returning the child support during that 14 month period?" "Yes, that would be great!" she said. "How far behind does Florida say he is?" I inquired. "$1700," she said, "but with this it will change significantly." I bet it will!
Just over a month ago I gave my ex-husband the opportunity of a lifetime and he chose not to take it. I've decided that since he's so concerned with getting credit (in the immortal words of Chris Rock) "for some sh!t he's supposed to do", and in light of my recent run in with yet another trifling black man, I'm no longer going to be bitter about financially retarded men.
I could continuing thinking about all the years I worked two jobs to maintain a decent lifestyle for myself and sacrificed hair appointments, manicures, pedicures, & new clothes so Shorty could have what he needed. I could stay angry that my ex-husband had done everything he could (including hiring an attorney) to avoid sending a penny more of support for our son than the state required. I could even file a 4th request for an increase in child support (my ex has craftily dodged the last 3 requests I've sent to the state to modify the $250/month that was set in stone in 1997 when our divorce was finalized). But I won't.
I've decided that my energy needs to go in a more productive & positive direction...it needs to go toward loving myself. That's what's been missing all these years & what the money would've gone for if my ex-husband had an ounce of maturity in him and understood that it's what's necessary for me to be able to fully love our son. Maybe in time I'll love myself enough to forgive myself for ever procreating with the man in the first place, which is why I've been bitter all this time. I've learned enough to know that being bitter only hurts me.
Epiphany of the Day: Bitterness is unfinished wisdom.
posted by N'j at 8:46 PM
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