The Rest
I got a call from my surrogate little sister this evening. She and her new husband (they'll have been married a year this coming December) are going to Italy next September and she wanted some tips on picking a hotel in Rome. As we were talking, I shared with her that my oldest nephew is going through changes. He recently left home for the first time (he's newly 19) & is really missing his girlfriend. I told her that I spent a better part of Sunday afternoon & evening trying to help him understand that the two of them seeing other people for a while would be a good thing so they could find out who they are as individuals (to which he replied, "I know who I am Aunt Njeri. She's the one! I don't want to see other girls. I know what I want!). I let her know that I'd just been thinking of how different my life would be if I hadn't become pregnant with Shorty when I was 19 and how I didn't know who I was then but I can't even imagine what my life would be like now if I didn't have Shorty.
"You probably would've gone buckwild if you hadn't had Shorty!" she exclaimed.
"Maybe," I said as I tried to imagine my life without my son, all the while cherishing my 60 minutes of non-Momdom while he was at his weekly Boy Scout meeting.
"He's the only thing that's kept you grounded," she wisely said, "and you may never have gone to Italy and met Espen."
"That's true," I replied. "If I hadn't had Shorty when I did who knows what my life would be like now. I probably would've finished school a year earlier, may have ended up working in NO in '97, met Carlos while Brian had another year in school, and ended up married to Carlos. Who knows! All I know is, if I'd known at 19 what I know now, I'd be a different person. Hell, I may have quit school, moved to NY and become a hand model!"
"All right George," she sarcastically replied.
Having Shorty when I did saved me from who I would've been if I hadn't learned to love unconditionally. I tried to explain unconditional love to my nephew when he said, "I know about love Aunt Njeri! I love that girl and she doesn't know what she wants."
"Sweetie, you think you know love but you don't. Love is being pissed on, pooped on, thrown up on, and still getting up tired to go to work to put braces on someone who's called you every name on the book while you put food in their stomach, clothes on their back, and a roof over their head. That's love!"
Having my son when I did saved me from the worst of who I could've been if he'd never come along. He saved my life. Now if I could just learn to let go of what could've been and love myself where I am right now, thereby saving the rest of my life.
"You probably would've gone buckwild if you hadn't had Shorty!" she exclaimed.
"Maybe," I said as I tried to imagine my life without my son, all the while cherishing my 60 minutes of non-Momdom while he was at his weekly Boy Scout meeting.
"He's the only thing that's kept you grounded," she wisely said, "and you may never have gone to Italy and met Espen."
"That's true," I replied. "If I hadn't had Shorty when I did who knows what my life would be like now. I probably would've finished school a year earlier, may have ended up working in NO in '97, met Carlos while Brian had another year in school, and ended up married to Carlos. Who knows! All I know is, if I'd known at 19 what I know now, I'd be a different person. Hell, I may have quit school, moved to NY and become a hand model!"
"All right George," she sarcastically replied.
Having Shorty when I did saved me from who I would've been if I hadn't learned to love unconditionally. I tried to explain unconditional love to my nephew when he said, "I know about love Aunt Njeri! I love that girl and she doesn't know what she wants."
"Sweetie, you think you know love but you don't. Love is being pissed on, pooped on, thrown up on, and still getting up tired to go to work to put braces on someone who's called you every name on the book while you put food in their stomach, clothes on their back, and a roof over their head. That's love!"
Having my son when I did saved me from the worst of who I could've been if he'd never come along. He saved my life. Now if I could just learn to let go of what could've been and love myself where I am right now, thereby saving the rest of my life.
posted by N'j at 9:34 PM
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