The Absence of Crying

I turned 32 today & I don't feel a day over I don't know what. The best things about my birthday this year are:

1. I don't live in New Orleans anymore.
2. I'm not frustrated by Carlos anymore.
3. I didn't cry.

I got phone calls & emails from friends, a text message from my first boyfriend, cards from my nuclear family, and a visit from my sister (the one with the brain aneurysm). She was insistent on buying me a gift so I let her get me the 70th anniversary LIFE magazine book & pay for dinner. I got myself an Easy button from Staples and christened this birthday good enough. While showing my sister around I had plenty of time to reflect on past birthdays.

I haven't had a significant other do anything special for me on my day since I turned 21 when my then husband took me on a surprise trip to ATL where we spent the weekend together (sans 6 month old son) and he charged the trip to my credit card. Prior to that, turning 18 was the best ever because my first boyfriend surprised me with a cake from Publix (aka grocery store heaven) and introduced me to his friends. Considering I've cried on my last 3 birthdays (31 because of Espen & Katrina, 30 because I'd just found out Carlos was sleeping with his good friend's sister-in-law & had been for over a year after he told me he'd be monogamous, & 29 because I'd just bought my first home alone & had everything I wanted in my life except a significant other) not crying today was a big step up.

If today is any indication of what the rest of my life looks like, I'm content. It's not quite what I thought it would look like at 31, 30, 29, or 18, but I'm hoping to come full circle. Maybe between 18 & 36 I had to have a valley of birthday experiences, but I'm hoping that by 36 I'll finally have all those birthday wishes I dreamed about come true when I blew out the candles at 18. If not, the absence of crying is just fine with me.