Balance & Positivity
After a really long week of corporate auditing (courtesy of the company's environmental managers) I'm happy to be home & relaxing...especially since I spent Thursday afternoon blowing up balloons which were used to decorate Negative Ned's office today (his birthday is tomorrow). I was pretty battered & bruised at the close of the audit (which ended with a number of significant findings), but the nice thing was it was the most dramatic thing that happened all week.
I called my mother mid-week to check in & she told me there was "absolutely nothing" going on in their neck of the woods. That was good to hear & even better to report that things are rolling right along here. Outside the audit, my life this week was pretty dull compared to a year ago, even with the blind date I have scheduled for this weekend (thanks! match.com). Then my mother asked me if I'd heard from Carlos.
"He called Sunday morning," I said.
"For what?" she asked.
"He wanted to know if/when I was planning on going back to New Orleans. I told him, 'I'm not!' I thought he'd get it by now. He had 8 years to figure out what he wanted from me & now I'm done! I'm not going back!"
"He'll get it. Eventually he'll get it," she said. "When he hasn't heard from you in a while & you haven't come back, he'll get it," she wisely said.
Having just come home from the local First Friday's event (aka "Brown Folks Function") & having run into Chris (the Masaai guy who asked me for money a little over a month ago) it was ironic that my prayer partner called to catch up and asked me this evening, "So have you heard from Chris?" I told her that I had.
"And?" she inquired.
"And nothing," I said. "I think I said what I needed to say when I told him 'Don't ever ask a black woman for money!' I'm done!" I frankly said. "I've had enough drama, and that's what he represents to me...the potential for more drama."
I can feel myself getting back to where I was (self-esteem wise) before I married my ex and began to believe what he had me convinced of when we divorced (that no one would ever want me because I have a child)...and that was before I got into that 8 year unhealthy relationship with Carlos. I can feel myself becoming who I used to be: Clear, focused, & finite. The major difference this time is I'm not acting out of fear.
I'm finding that my love life & my career are running in parallel. When I first left home I ran from challenges thinking I had an excuse for why I wasn't successful in the midst of adversity. Battered & bruised (relationship & career wise) I acted like a child & got unhealthy results. Here at the end of the audit, I know that the environmental findings are a result of issues that existed prior to my joining the team, much like the negative emotional settings my parents unknowingly passed on to me. The difference is I'm finally acting out of self love, in spite of the negatives that I inherited. By God's grace I've learned my lesson & can finally press on & realize the level of balance & positivity I was created to achieve.
I called my mother mid-week to check in & she told me there was "absolutely nothing" going on in their neck of the woods. That was good to hear & even better to report that things are rolling right along here. Outside the audit, my life this week was pretty dull compared to a year ago, even with the blind date I have scheduled for this weekend (thanks! match.com). Then my mother asked me if I'd heard from Carlos.
"He called Sunday morning," I said.
"For what?" she asked.
"He wanted to know if/when I was planning on going back to New Orleans. I told him, 'I'm not!' I thought he'd get it by now. He had 8 years to figure out what he wanted from me & now I'm done! I'm not going back!"
"He'll get it. Eventually he'll get it," she said. "When he hasn't heard from you in a while & you haven't come back, he'll get it," she wisely said.
Having just come home from the local First Friday's event (aka "Brown Folks Function") & having run into Chris (the Masaai guy who asked me for money a little over a month ago) it was ironic that my prayer partner called to catch up and asked me this evening, "So have you heard from Chris?" I told her that I had.
"And?" she inquired.
"And nothing," I said. "I think I said what I needed to say when I told him 'Don't ever ask a black woman for money!' I'm done!" I frankly said. "I've had enough drama, and that's what he represents to me...the potential for more drama."
I can feel myself getting back to where I was (self-esteem wise) before I married my ex and began to believe what he had me convinced of when we divorced (that no one would ever want me because I have a child)...and that was before I got into that 8 year unhealthy relationship with Carlos. I can feel myself becoming who I used to be: Clear, focused, & finite. The major difference this time is I'm not acting out of fear.
I'm finding that my love life & my career are running in parallel. When I first left home I ran from challenges thinking I had an excuse for why I wasn't successful in the midst of adversity. Battered & bruised (relationship & career wise) I acted like a child & got unhealthy results. Here at the end of the audit, I know that the environmental findings are a result of issues that existed prior to my joining the team, much like the negative emotional settings my parents unknowingly passed on to me. The difference is I'm finally acting out of self love, in spite of the negatives that I inherited. By God's grace I've learned my lesson & can finally press on & realize the level of balance & positivity I was created to achieve.
posted by N'j at 10:17 PM
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