From Carlos To Carbohydrates = Unconditional Love
I've been away on business since Monday (first Rochester, NY, now Washington, D.C.) so I haven't had much time or energy to blog. It hasn't helped that while I've been here, I've had to rearrange my next two flights out of IA. First I got an email from the engineer who replaced me in NO that the dates I picked weren't quite right since he'll be out of town on the first day I'm there, so I had to push that trip back a day. Then I got a voice message from Delta that they've changed my itinerary for Thanksgiving & I now have to return 1 1/2 hours earlier than planned. All this after having to pack my fat suits...I've officially gained over 10 lbs since moving from NO to IA & am now a full size 14 (ugh!).
I've been feeling like crap which has been magnified by travel (which inevitably leads to dehydration, er go constipation), so of course I dutifully dined on an overly rich meal with my co-workers last night to substitute for my best friend working late (whom I'm staying with while in town) & awkwardly spending time alone in her new condo with her boyfriend whom I'd just met (sigh). Today, I decided to just skip going back to their place & drink at a local hot spot while waiting for traffic to die down (oh yeah, traffic...that stuff we don't have in IA). I ended up staying longer than I'd planned at a local restaurant bar (www.cafeasia.com) & talking to complete strangers over sushi, over priced lo mein, & more than one french martini. Once it was dark & I thought traffic was cool, I caught a cab back to her place. I was thankful to find that her boyfriend hadn't made it home yet, so I finished off my take out & the half a pint of Haagen-Dazs he went out to buy me last night when that b!tch Aunt Flo unpacked her bags (I already like him, even if I'm not entirely comfortable alone in the condo with him).
So here I am staring at the bottom of a Haagen-Dazs carton, completely sober, not sleepy, feeling pretty fat, and not quite sure if spending the next weekend trip to NO with Carlos (also the last one) as the right thing to do. I'm sure friends and family would simply sigh and say, "No, but you're hardheaded, so let us know when you're done hurting yourself." I could say the same to them when they drowned their sorrows in their poison of choice. I guess I could take solace in that I'm transitioning from Carlos to Carbohydrates...and by this time next year I'll be free of him & able to fully embrace my fat self...someone my family's always wanted to love but never could because I've kept her hidden outside of my seemingly unhappy thin self. Funny, because they were always not-so-secretly jealous of the "thin" me. I wonder if now that I'm on my way to becoming a reflection of who they chose to be (comfort food self-medicating junkies) they'll stop being so judgmental of me an learn to love unconditionally.
I've been feeling like crap which has been magnified by travel (which inevitably leads to dehydration, er go constipation), so of course I dutifully dined on an overly rich meal with my co-workers last night to substitute for my best friend working late (whom I'm staying with while in town) & awkwardly spending time alone in her new condo with her boyfriend whom I'd just met (sigh). Today, I decided to just skip going back to their place & drink at a local hot spot while waiting for traffic to die down (oh yeah, traffic...that stuff we don't have in IA). I ended up staying longer than I'd planned at a local restaurant bar (www.cafeasia.com) & talking to complete strangers over sushi, over priced lo mein, & more than one french martini. Once it was dark & I thought traffic was cool, I caught a cab back to her place. I was thankful to find that her boyfriend hadn't made it home yet, so I finished off my take out & the half a pint of Haagen-Dazs he went out to buy me last night when that b!tch Aunt Flo unpacked her bags (I already like him, even if I'm not entirely comfortable alone in the condo with him).
So here I am staring at the bottom of a Haagen-Dazs carton, completely sober, not sleepy, feeling pretty fat, and not quite sure if spending the next weekend trip to NO with Carlos (also the last one) as the right thing to do. I'm sure friends and family would simply sigh and say, "No, but you're hardheaded, so let us know when you're done hurting yourself." I could say the same to them when they drowned their sorrows in their poison of choice. I guess I could take solace in that I'm transitioning from Carlos to Carbohydrates...and by this time next year I'll be free of him & able to fully embrace my fat self...someone my family's always wanted to love but never could because I've kept her hidden outside of my seemingly unhappy thin self. Funny, because they were always not-so-secretly jealous of the "thin" me. I wonder if now that I'm on my way to becoming a reflection of who they chose to be (comfort food self-medicating junkies) they'll stop being so judgmental of me an learn to love unconditionally.
posted by N'j at 7:42 PM
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