Without Sex
I talked to Don Carlos the SJA on Saturday. After a few minutes of small talk about my trip & him complaining about his knees hurting, he told me he was thinking of cancelling his trip here.
DC: So my trip to Iowa is next weekend.
Me: Right.
DC: And I'm thinking of cancelling it.
Me: Ok.
DC: So there are a couple of reasons I'm thinking of cancelling. One is I have this case study I'm working on for school and my group is probably going to want to meet that Saturday because our presentation is that follwing Tuesday and it's probablyl the only time we'll have to meet. And then, after we talked before your trip to Scotland I started thinking about what you said about wanting to be abstinate. I don't want there to be any risk of us having sex since that's what you want to do. And it's not that I doubt you, it's just that over the years you've said we wouldn't have sex, and I've said we wouldn't have sex, but we more often than not ended up having sex.
{Long stretch of silence}
Me: Well, if you decide to cancel, I understand about school.
DC: Ok.
{An even longer stretch of silence}
Me: I'm disappointed in you, Carlos.
DC: Well that's par for the course for me where your concerned.
After we got off the phone, I thought about what had just happened. Just as I'd become okay with whatever would happen once he came up here (ring or no ring), he did what he's known for...he didn't follow through. Even though I wasn't sure I wanted him to visit before I left for Scotland, it was because he hadn't asked for my ring size and I wasn't sure I wanted to go through a weekend with him in my home waiting for him to present me with a ring and end up disappointed when he didn't, even though my instincts told me he wouldn't bother to buy one before the trip. I'd also come to the conclusion that I don't want to marry him and thought of how awkward it would be for me to have insisted he bring a ring just to tell him "thanks, but no thanks" if he went to the trouble. Either way, before I left, it wasn't that I didn't want to see him, just that I didn't want to see him on the terms of what was between us based on how I felt a year ago.
Somewhere over the Atlantic, I realized that his choosing to sleep with someone else doesn't dimish my worth, but that him sleeping with someone else didn't mean we couldn't try to be friends and enjoy each other's company either. Alas, he solved my problem for me while I was away. Now I have to decide whether I want to bother being friends with him at all given his concerns that we'll potentially end up sleeping together whenever we're in each others' presence during an over night visit. To me it sounds like without sex, he doesn't want as a close a friendship as I'd decided I wanted.
DC: So my trip to Iowa is next weekend.
Me: Right.
DC: And I'm thinking of cancelling it.
Me: Ok.
DC: So there are a couple of reasons I'm thinking of cancelling. One is I have this case study I'm working on for school and my group is probably going to want to meet that Saturday because our presentation is that follwing Tuesday and it's probablyl the only time we'll have to meet. And then, after we talked before your trip to Scotland I started thinking about what you said about wanting to be abstinate. I don't want there to be any risk of us having sex since that's what you want to do. And it's not that I doubt you, it's just that over the years you've said we wouldn't have sex, and I've said we wouldn't have sex, but we more often than not ended up having sex.
{Long stretch of silence}
Me: Well, if you decide to cancel, I understand about school.
DC: Ok.
{An even longer stretch of silence}
Me: I'm disappointed in you, Carlos.
DC: Well that's par for the course for me where your concerned.
After we got off the phone, I thought about what had just happened. Just as I'd become okay with whatever would happen once he came up here (ring or no ring), he did what he's known for...he didn't follow through. Even though I wasn't sure I wanted him to visit before I left for Scotland, it was because he hadn't asked for my ring size and I wasn't sure I wanted to go through a weekend with him in my home waiting for him to present me with a ring and end up disappointed when he didn't, even though my instincts told me he wouldn't bother to buy one before the trip. I'd also come to the conclusion that I don't want to marry him and thought of how awkward it would be for me to have insisted he bring a ring just to tell him "thanks, but no thanks" if he went to the trouble. Either way, before I left, it wasn't that I didn't want to see him, just that I didn't want to see him on the terms of what was between us based on how I felt a year ago.
Somewhere over the Atlantic, I realized that his choosing to sleep with someone else doesn't dimish my worth, but that him sleeping with someone else didn't mean we couldn't try to be friends and enjoy each other's company either. Alas, he solved my problem for me while I was away. Now I have to decide whether I want to bother being friends with him at all given his concerns that we'll potentially end up sleeping together whenever we're in each others' presence during an over night visit. To me it sounds like without sex, he doesn't want as a close a friendship as I'd decided I wanted.
posted by N'j at 7:11 PM
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