I Think I'm Ambivalent, But Not About Popsicles
After my last moment (crying over a selfish jack@$$, nonetheless) I went on about my business and went grocery shopping. I prepared for the long, dark, late winter weekend storm that had been fore casted and bought food that I could cook in the event of an extended power outage. I found it interesting that the people here don't wig out about storms nearly as emotionally as the folks in NO (maybe it's because there's no impending threat of flooding due to the storm). I stocked up on the necessities and got a couple of nice to haves, including a couple of movies to entertain myself and the 24 count box of popsicles I was strangely craving. As I was checking out, I looked at my basket noting all the perishable items I'd picked out. My southern instinct was to put it all back since I was shopping for a storm, but then I remembered it was a winter storm...if the power went out, I could just put all the stuff in a cooler on my porch and it would be fine.
I hibernated for most of the weekend, only taking a couple of trips outside on my back porch to watch mother nature flex her muscles. I sat in the chair on the east side of my firepit table, watching in awe as the ice storm raged. After a while, I wasn't even taken aback at the thick tree branches that snapped under the weight of the ice and force of the howling wind. "Humph," I thought to myself. "This blizzard is nothing compared to a hurricane!" Satisfied that I'd made the right decision in moving here, I went inside my hole and back to hibernation.
On Sunday I awoke to find the flashing lights of every electrical appliance in my home that had previously displayed the time. I'd slept through the storm like a baby, and wasn't too inclined to go out given the still overcast skies & threats of an encore that evening. Mid-day, I was hungry and decided to make myself a little something to eat. As I pulled the bread out of the fridge & heated up the mini-George Foreman grill, I decided to call the guy from Match.com that I've been ignoring for the last week (he lives in AK).
He was happy to hear from me and shortly after hearing my voice told me he'd missed me. I didn't reply in kind and once he caught my non-verbal cue asked what I was doing. "I'm making turkey burgers for lunch. What's the deal with the bread ends?" I said out loud, half to myself and half to him. "What do you mean?" he asked. "Why are children so opposed to eating the ends of a loaf of bread? It's the same bread as the stuff in the middle, so why don't they want to eat it?" This is a pretty good example of the kind of conversation we've been having over the last couple of weeks...deeply philosophical and political conversation, sandwiched by my random thoughts on life. He laughed and gave an answer to which I didn't bother to listen.
He asked about the weather & I told him it was grey but beautiful. I relayed to him my musing at the wonder of winter beauty here and he was tickled. "You just articulated exactly what I think about grey days!" "Yeah, whatever," I thought to myself. I couldn't help thinking of how little interest I've had in him since he essentially told me last week that he's a recovering financial retard and demonstrated it when I gave him a pop quiz question:
Me: "So how do you handle your daughter's desire for material things...are you a no or a yes man?"
He: "I want to give my daughter everything she wants. We can talk about it so I understand why she wants it, but I don't feel like a man if I can't buy it for her." Annnnhhhhh. Wrong answer!
Although I'd casually mentioned it to him before, he hadn't seemed to catch on. Somewhere between toasting the bread and spreading A1 on my turkey burger I'd said, "I think I'm ambivalent...about the whole dating, getting into a new relationship, marriage & kids thing. I think I'm ambivalent. I just don't know if I really want any of it. When I think back over this weekend, I've really been quite content to be alone." When my food was ready, I inadvertently found a reason to get off the phone when he started debating the hormones in processed meat.
I ate my lunch while watching the second movie I'd rented and decided to brave the elements. I didn't want cabin fever to get the best of me, so I packed my things and headed outdoors. I went to the public library to pick up a few new books (ah yes, free entertainment!) and then headed to the riverfront for a power walk. I wasn't going to let mother nature with this war. I needed fresh air and exercise, and I'd be damned if I'd let her intimidate me into staying indoors another day. After my walk, I went to the Y for a nice long workout with weights, and relaxed in the hot tub at the end of the evening.
When I got home I was starving and made myself the nice shrimp and pasta dinner I'd been thinking about since the last trip to Wally World. I actually cut up onions, minced fresh garlic, sauteed them in olive oil with fresh mushrooms, adding fresh shrimp and sliced tri-color bell peppers. I then added the shrimp with whole wheat pasta and freshly grated Parmesan cheese. Even I didn't know what had gotten into me...I don't cook! And certainly not such elaborate dishes since Shorty's not here to help me eat it!
After dinner & the Oscars, something kicked in leaving me nearly catatonic. I was exhausted. I couldn't move from the couch, even though the smell of dirty dishes in the kitchen & my own post-workout natural funk were encouraging me to clean. I just couldn't get up...except to eat more popsicles. When I awoke on the couch this morning (still funky from yesterday's workout and dishes still in the sink), I heard a strange rustling noise when I reached for the remonte control. I opened one eye but couldn't make out from where the noise came . I opened my other eye and squinted. "What is that?" I thought to myself as I stared at the floor. Something white was on the floor next to the couch.
As my eyes came into focus, I realized it was a popsicle wrapper. Then I started seeing more clearly in the early morning light. There were dozens of wrappers strewn about the couch and floor. Apparently, I'd eaten the entire box of 24 popsicles! I shook my head in dismay at my own antics and tried to muster up the energy to move. I was achy, tired, cranky, and cross. Then I felt it. My god damned period has started!
I hibernated for most of the weekend, only taking a couple of trips outside on my back porch to watch mother nature flex her muscles. I sat in the chair on the east side of my firepit table, watching in awe as the ice storm raged. After a while, I wasn't even taken aback at the thick tree branches that snapped under the weight of the ice and force of the howling wind. "Humph," I thought to myself. "This blizzard is nothing compared to a hurricane!" Satisfied that I'd made the right decision in moving here, I went inside my hole and back to hibernation.
On Sunday I awoke to find the flashing lights of every electrical appliance in my home that had previously displayed the time. I'd slept through the storm like a baby, and wasn't too inclined to go out given the still overcast skies & threats of an encore that evening. Mid-day, I was hungry and decided to make myself a little something to eat. As I pulled the bread out of the fridge & heated up the mini-George Foreman grill, I decided to call the guy from Match.com that I've been ignoring for the last week (he lives in AK).
He was happy to hear from me and shortly after hearing my voice told me he'd missed me. I didn't reply in kind and once he caught my non-verbal cue asked what I was doing. "I'm making turkey burgers for lunch. What's the deal with the bread ends?" I said out loud, half to myself and half to him. "What do you mean?" he asked. "Why are children so opposed to eating the ends of a loaf of bread? It's the same bread as the stuff in the middle, so why don't they want to eat it?" This is a pretty good example of the kind of conversation we've been having over the last couple of weeks...deeply philosophical and political conversation, sandwiched by my random thoughts on life. He laughed and gave an answer to which I didn't bother to listen.
He asked about the weather & I told him it was grey but beautiful. I relayed to him my musing at the wonder of winter beauty here and he was tickled. "You just articulated exactly what I think about grey days!" "Yeah, whatever," I thought to myself. I couldn't help thinking of how little interest I've had in him since he essentially told me last week that he's a recovering financial retard and demonstrated it when I gave him a pop quiz question:
Me: "So how do you handle your daughter's desire for material things...are you a no or a yes man?"
He: "I want to give my daughter everything she wants. We can talk about it so I understand why she wants it, but I don't feel like a man if I can't buy it for her." Annnnhhhhh. Wrong answer!
Although I'd casually mentioned it to him before, he hadn't seemed to catch on. Somewhere between toasting the bread and spreading A1 on my turkey burger I'd said, "I think I'm ambivalent...about the whole dating, getting into a new relationship, marriage & kids thing. I think I'm ambivalent. I just don't know if I really want any of it. When I think back over this weekend, I've really been quite content to be alone." When my food was ready, I inadvertently found a reason to get off the phone when he started debating the hormones in processed meat.
I ate my lunch while watching the second movie I'd rented and decided to brave the elements. I didn't want cabin fever to get the best of me, so I packed my things and headed outdoors. I went to the public library to pick up a few new books (ah yes, free entertainment!) and then headed to the riverfront for a power walk. I wasn't going to let mother nature with this war. I needed fresh air and exercise, and I'd be damned if I'd let her intimidate me into staying indoors another day. After my walk, I went to the Y for a nice long workout with weights, and relaxed in the hot tub at the end of the evening.
When I got home I was starving and made myself the nice shrimp and pasta dinner I'd been thinking about since the last trip to Wally World. I actually cut up onions, minced fresh garlic, sauteed them in olive oil with fresh mushrooms, adding fresh shrimp and sliced tri-color bell peppers. I then added the shrimp with whole wheat pasta and freshly grated Parmesan cheese. Even I didn't know what had gotten into me...I don't cook! And certainly not such elaborate dishes since Shorty's not here to help me eat it!
After dinner & the Oscars, something kicked in leaving me nearly catatonic. I was exhausted. I couldn't move from the couch, even though the smell of dirty dishes in the kitchen & my own post-workout natural funk were encouraging me to clean. I just couldn't get up...except to eat more popsicles. When I awoke on the couch this morning (still funky from yesterday's workout and dishes still in the sink), I heard a strange rustling noise when I reached for the remonte control. I opened one eye but couldn't make out from where the noise came . I opened my other eye and squinted. "What is that?" I thought to myself as I stared at the floor. Something white was on the floor next to the couch.
As my eyes came into focus, I realized it was a popsicle wrapper. Then I started seeing more clearly in the early morning light. There were dozens of wrappers strewn about the couch and floor. Apparently, I'd eaten the entire box of 24 popsicles! I shook my head in dismay at my own antics and tried to muster up the energy to move. I was achy, tired, cranky, and cross. Then I felt it. My god damned period has started!
posted by N'j at 7:16 PM
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