X Factor

It's Valentine's Day yet again and I'm happy to report that I haven't had any contact with the jack@$$! From the outside looking in on my life, it would seem that today was just another day, but from the inside it's confirmation of a dream deferred and a goal realized. Last year, I spent the day dreaming of life outside NO with my goal to not have Carlos as an emotional factor on this Valentine's Day. Having not heard from him so far today, I write with cautious optimism that he's not.

For the first V-day since I met him, I have no desire to talk to him. I have no hope for an intimate relationship with him. I have no illusions about our past relationship. I have no regrets. I only have hope for future V-days while my new goal strategically lacks other people (especially Y chromosomes) as factors: to demonstrate holistic love for myself. Next Valentine's Day, I want the only X factor in my life to be me and how I've loved myself for 365 days.