Healing Itches
It's official...I'm bored with living here. I was so bored today that I looked up my cell phone call log to determine when the last time was that the jack@$$ called me (6/27 at 7:43 PM). I was so bored that I actually thought about calling him to ask if he's missing me. I don't miss him, but I do miss the drama of the relationship with him that filled up so much of my time.
It doesn't help that I was sitting on the porch this evening and saw a deer run through the field of tall, golden wheat grass that is between my backyard and a local forest. I was on the phone with my prayer partner and mentioned the fawn to her. She said, "Huh...the other, other, other, other, other white meat!"
I told her of my thoughts of Carlos. She asked me what I hoped to accomplish by calling him. She asked me how I thought I'd feel (based on all the years of conversations with him) after I got off the phone with him if I did call him. I told her that he'd just crossed my mind but I didn't actually have a desire to call him. I just wondered if he missed me.
I then told her that living here is like watching a cut heal.
"Have you ever watched a cut heal? At first, the skin comes together and the blood stops gushing. Then it itches as the scab forms. Part of you wants to scratch the scab off to stop the itching, the other part of you knows that pulling off the scab is just going to make the healing process take longer. So you find other things to do to distract you from the scab. And eventually, you forget about the cut until one day, all that's left is a tidy scar that speaks as evidence to the existence of the original pain. Living here is like that. It's my time to heal."
I then told her that it takes 21 days to change a habit. Carlos was a bad one, but I'm 16 days into it and not giving up...not matter how bad it itches.
It doesn't help that I was sitting on the porch this evening and saw a deer run through the field of tall, golden wheat grass that is between my backyard and a local forest. I was on the phone with my prayer partner and mentioned the fawn to her. She said, "Huh...the other, other, other, other, other white meat!"
I told her of my thoughts of Carlos. She asked me what I hoped to accomplish by calling him. She asked me how I thought I'd feel (based on all the years of conversations with him) after I got off the phone with him if I did call him. I told her that he'd just crossed my mind but I didn't actually have a desire to call him. I just wondered if he missed me.
I then told her that living here is like watching a cut heal.
"Have you ever watched a cut heal? At first, the skin comes together and the blood stops gushing. Then it itches as the scab forms. Part of you wants to scratch the scab off to stop the itching, the other part of you knows that pulling off the scab is just going to make the healing process take longer. So you find other things to do to distract you from the scab. And eventually, you forget about the cut until one day, all that's left is a tidy scar that speaks as evidence to the existence of the original pain. Living here is like that. It's my time to heal."
I then told her that it takes 21 days to change a habit. Carlos was a bad one, but I'm 16 days into it and not giving up...not matter how bad it itches.
posted by N'j at 9:18 PM
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