Friends...Which Is Unlikely
The jack@$$ called this afternoon to see how I was doing (REALLY?!! Yes, really!). I was not really surprised that he called since it had been about a month since I told him not to and in the history of our relationship, that meant it was about time for one of us to re-establish contact. When I saw his number on the caller ID, I'd anticipated the call and figured he was suffering from some form of amnesia induced by "all the weed he smoked in college" (note to self: never get involved with a man who's ever smoked weed before). I was kind and answered the phone.
I politely engaged in small talk about the weather for a while (yes it's cold, yes there's snow on the ground, but it's a bright blue sunshiny day...without you [think MY FAIR LADY]), then he asked about work. He inquired about business at my site (I now not only work in another part of the country, I also now work in a different part of the business), fishing for information about the goings on up here. I gave him a generic answer and then reminded him he could get the same, if not more detailed information, from a more powerful and informed friend and ally of his at corporate. He acknowledged my point and delved into company gossip.
He mentioned that someone had told him I was dating a local IA banker who came to visit over the holidays. I told him I'd heard he was dating my LA Brazilian friend and I'd also heard the reason the new cost accountant at work quit was because she'd started dating him shortly after I left. He denied both claims.
I sarcastically replied with, "Wow! I'm dating a banker...how's it going? That's why you shouldn't listen to company gossip. Next thing you know, I'll be getting married! I didn't know my life was so interesting!" He made some comment about gossip making people seem important and then said, "Yeah, it's almost like the next thing you know, your picture will be on the cover of US Weekly with 'SOON TO WED WEALTHY IOWA BANKER' with my picture down in the corner next to it with the caption 'Carlos Dating Everyone At The Plant'...gossip!" I told him that I thought the individuals who'd passed on the information were just trying to get a reaction. My only comment to them was, "It's none of my business, but if it's true I hope they're happy!" He didn't reply in kind.
He did try to delve into my personal life with questions about Shorty and my family. "How's Shorty?" he asked. "Fine," I shortly replied. "How's your family?" "Fine," I tersely replied. Before I'd even answered the phone, I'd decided that it would be business only. No need to open the door to vulnerability. Been there, done that, don't need to do it again.
Not too much later he ended the conversation with the trite cliche, "Even though it may be difficult, I really hope we can be friends." Instead of letting it slide, I challenged him with, "It's up to you to show me what that looks like." He countered with an empty yet managerial, "I'll give it some thought."
After I hung up the phone, I got to thinking about what a friendship with a jack@$ who happened to be a colleague and former bed buddy would look like. He'd said difficult. I was thinking more like impossible. There's no way we could ever truly be friends! Every time we'd tried in the past, sex (without mutually exclusive commitment, pregnant with dashed expectations, produced the twins...jealousy and drama) got in the way. In the past, both of our egos had proven that a romantic relationship just wasn't healthy, and a friendship was impossible as long as we lived close enough to maintain a consistent physical relationship. But is it possible now that there's time and distance between us, that we could actually become friends?
Nah! A friend is someone you know, like, and trust. I know him, and I'm not sure I like him, but when it comes to trust, I have none when it comes to an intimate relationship with him. So I'm shooting for cordial. I don't have to know him, like him, or trust him to be cordial. But at least I won't have burned a bridge should we ever (which is unlikely) have to work together again.
I politely engaged in small talk about the weather for a while (yes it's cold, yes there's snow on the ground, but it's a bright blue sunshiny day...without you [think MY FAIR LADY]), then he asked about work. He inquired about business at my site (I now not only work in another part of the country, I also now work in a different part of the business), fishing for information about the goings on up here. I gave him a generic answer and then reminded him he could get the same, if not more detailed information, from a more powerful and informed friend and ally of his at corporate. He acknowledged my point and delved into company gossip.
He mentioned that someone had told him I was dating a local IA banker who came to visit over the holidays. I told him I'd heard he was dating my LA Brazilian friend and I'd also heard the reason the new cost accountant at work quit was because she'd started dating him shortly after I left. He denied both claims.
I sarcastically replied with, "Wow! I'm dating a banker...how's it going? That's why you shouldn't listen to company gossip. Next thing you know, I'll be getting married! I didn't know my life was so interesting!" He made some comment about gossip making people seem important and then said, "Yeah, it's almost like the next thing you know, your picture will be on the cover of US Weekly with 'SOON TO WED WEALTHY IOWA BANKER' with my picture down in the corner next to it with the caption 'Carlos Dating Everyone At The Plant'...gossip!" I told him that I thought the individuals who'd passed on the information were just trying to get a reaction. My only comment to them was, "It's none of my business, but if it's true I hope they're happy!" He didn't reply in kind.
He did try to delve into my personal life with questions about Shorty and my family. "How's Shorty?" he asked. "Fine," I shortly replied. "How's your family?" "Fine," I tersely replied. Before I'd even answered the phone, I'd decided that it would be business only. No need to open the door to vulnerability. Been there, done that, don't need to do it again.
Not too much later he ended the conversation with the trite cliche, "Even though it may be difficult, I really hope we can be friends." Instead of letting it slide, I challenged him with, "It's up to you to show me what that looks like." He countered with an empty yet managerial, "I'll give it some thought."
After I hung up the phone, I got to thinking about what a friendship with a jack@$ who happened to be a colleague and former bed buddy would look like. He'd said difficult. I was thinking more like impossible. There's no way we could ever truly be friends! Every time we'd tried in the past, sex (without mutually exclusive commitment, pregnant with dashed expectations, produced the twins...jealousy and drama) got in the way. In the past, both of our egos had proven that a romantic relationship just wasn't healthy, and a friendship was impossible as long as we lived close enough to maintain a consistent physical relationship. But is it possible now that there's time and distance between us, that we could actually become friends?
Nah! A friend is someone you know, like, and trust. I know him, and I'm not sure I like him, but when it comes to trust, I have none when it comes to an intimate relationship with him. So I'm shooting for cordial. I don't have to know him, like him, or trust him to be cordial. But at least I won't have burned a bridge should we ever (which is unlikely) have to work together again.
posted by N'j at 8:56 PM
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