Broken Trust
I had a tough day at work today. I didn't accomplish any of the technical things I'd set out to do. Part of it's because I wasn't focused, the other part is because I was distracted by my brother Scott's (he's the new engineer from TN and we've bonded as the only two southerners in the group) marital problems. I had no plans to hear why his wife Buffy (and yes, that's her real name) is so adverse to her impending move to IA, but for whatever reason he felt compelled to tell me. Long story short, there's been recent infidelity with his co-worker's wife, unforgiveness on her part, and 700 miles between them since he took this job as a fresh start. Needless to say, I didn't get anything done after he poured his heart out to me.
"She can't even let me have a conversation anymore!" he exclaimed to me in the midst of an impromptu therapy session in my office with his phone blowing up in the mean time. "That's why I didn't come to the last social function at your house...if she knew I'd been at your house, a woman I work with instead of at home, she'd have flipped!" he shared. I slipped into my helpful mode even though I felt he'd overstepped the co-worker/work-associate bound when he told me how he'd been unfaithful to his wife less than 2 years ago.
"She doesn't trust you anymore," I said, realizing that her insecurities about Scott's participation in our group celebration for another co-worker's birthday last month was just an informal team building session. "Without trust, you have no relationship," I told him as I thought back to what I'd been told about the jack@$$ when I'd shared with a co-worker a couple of years ago that I'd discovered he'd slept with someone else when he told me he'd be monogamous while working on a special project between here in IA and New Orleans.
"Without trust in a relationship, you have nothing," I told Scott. In an attempt to find a way out of the professionally awkward conversation, I started shuffling papers on my desk. I found a packet I'd printed earlier in the day about how to rebuild trust in a relationship. I'd searched it out on the internet as a resource for approaching the difficult conversations I know I need to have with my other co-workers (reinforced by my conversation with the corporate director yesterday).
"You need this," I told Scott as I showed him the article. "No I don't," he said, scanning the title. "Yes you do," I said, thrusting the article in front of him. "No I don't," he reiterated. "Yes you do!" I exclaimed. "She doesn't trust you because of what's happened, and you need to decide whether it's worth it to go through the 4 stages of loss with her over and over again until you regain her trust and can rebuild the trust between you that was once the foundation of your marriage. Read this and sleep on it. Get some distance and let it sink in, because once you make that decision, it can't be reversed," I told him from experience.
I left work angry with myself. I was angry because I'd let the personal conversation with my new work brother Scott distract me from figuring out how to repair the infant relationship with my other co-workers...and that's a damaged relationship that if I don't repair it, will impede me being able to do what I came here for...to take care of this planet and the people who live on it.
I know that I broke their trust in some fashion, when I came here [strong woman and all] with my spiritual connection to the corporate director. Now all I want to do is fix the relationships so we can all be productive, in spite of my being who I am (a kite with no fleshly guide in the midst of Y chromasomes who've never met such a strong woman). I just want things to be okay...not the natural personal relationship healer that I am.
"She can't even let me have a conversation anymore!" he exclaimed to me in the midst of an impromptu therapy session in my office with his phone blowing up in the mean time. "That's why I didn't come to the last social function at your house...if she knew I'd been at your house, a woman I work with instead of at home, she'd have flipped!" he shared. I slipped into my helpful mode even though I felt he'd overstepped the co-worker/work-associate bound when he told me how he'd been unfaithful to his wife less than 2 years ago.
"She doesn't trust you anymore," I said, realizing that her insecurities about Scott's participation in our group celebration for another co-worker's birthday last month was just an informal team building session. "Without trust, you have no relationship," I told him as I thought back to what I'd been told about the jack@$$ when I'd shared with a co-worker a couple of years ago that I'd discovered he'd slept with someone else when he told me he'd be monogamous while working on a special project between here in IA and New Orleans.
"Without trust in a relationship, you have nothing," I told Scott. In an attempt to find a way out of the professionally awkward conversation, I started shuffling papers on my desk. I found a packet I'd printed earlier in the day about how to rebuild trust in a relationship. I'd searched it out on the internet as a resource for approaching the difficult conversations I know I need to have with my other co-workers (reinforced by my conversation with the corporate director yesterday).
"You need this," I told Scott as I showed him the article. "No I don't," he said, scanning the title. "Yes you do," I said, thrusting the article in front of him. "No I don't," he reiterated. "Yes you do!" I exclaimed. "She doesn't trust you because of what's happened, and you need to decide whether it's worth it to go through the 4 stages of loss with her over and over again until you regain her trust and can rebuild the trust between you that was once the foundation of your marriage. Read this and sleep on it. Get some distance and let it sink in, because once you make that decision, it can't be reversed," I told him from experience.
I left work angry with myself. I was angry because I'd let the personal conversation with my new work brother Scott distract me from figuring out how to repair the infant relationship with my other co-workers...and that's a damaged relationship that if I don't repair it, will impede me being able to do what I came here for...to take care of this planet and the people who live on it.
I know that I broke their trust in some fashion, when I came here [strong woman and all] with my spiritual connection to the corporate director. Now all I want to do is fix the relationships so we can all be productive, in spite of my being who I am (a kite with no fleshly guide in the midst of Y chromasomes who've never met such a strong woman). I just want things to be okay...not the natural personal relationship healer that I am.
posted by N'j at 9:27 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home